Chapter IX (The Resurrected - A love story by Billy Shaw)

I finished polishing the last bright metallic surface in the condo when the door vibrated with a lively and forceful knock. I was pleased to have been so productive even though it had taken the better part of the morning to accomplish this inspiring task.

Swinging the door open with two fingers, I tried to keep any extra fingerprints and smudges off the doorknob. Standing there looking like he was ready to go skiing, the tall tanned Virginian wore a serious looking backpack and held up a pair of telemark skis in one hand. He was smiling profusely and looked excited to be here.

"Hey Jerry! Come on in, man! Come on in and bring your stuff!"

"Yo Bro! I hope you don't mind my coming by unannounced. You wanna go skiing?"

"Always! Hey man, of all the people I ever tried to talk into coming out here for a late season fling, I would have figured you'd be the one to take me up on it! Welcome to Summit County Colorado! How'd you get here?"

"I flew into Denver and took a shuttle. I started thinking about taking you up on the ski thing about five seconds after getting off the phone last night. I hope you don't mind."

"Shit no, man! You picked a perfect time to come out here! Want something to drink?"

"I'll take some ice water if you don't mind. Can I use your bathroom?"

"Sure. It's around the corner there. Make yourself at home. I'll grab us something to drink and you're in business. You can stick your skis in the rack by the door next to mine."

I went into the kitchen and got two glasses of ice water while Jerry took off his pack and headed to the can. I took the drinks out on the porch and left the sliding glass door open so he'd know to come out there.

A couple of minutes later we were sitting on the porch together looking out at the mountains and sipping. He looked fairly relaxed and genuinely excited about going skiing.

"We can take the shuttle bus up to the Basin directly from my front door. Takes about six minutes to get there. We've got another twenty minutes or so until it comes by. You look pretty ready to hit the slopes, man. Did you get on the plane back east dressed like that?"

"I changed in the bathroom at Denver Airport. It was about eighty five degrees when I left Virginia and I got on the plane wearing shorts and a tee shirt. I've still got them on."

"It looks like you brought your camping equipment. Plan on roughing it?"

"I was thinking of doing an overnighter in the Basin parking lot. Especially Saturday night. But I know a couple of patrollers up there and I talked to them last night. They'll put me up in the patrol shack if I want."

"Cool! Were you thinking about hanging out until the end of the season? That would rock, dude! Absolutely rock!"

"Man. I'd like to. But I gotta get back to work Monday evening. I'm just here for a few days. I kinda wanted to get away anyhow and when you said things were still jamming out here I couldn't even go to sleep last night I was so excited! Besides. I wanna meet Kelly Stone. Even if she is married."

"You'll probably see her today. She's being pretty casual about getting ready for her gig at Vail next week. She rides the Basin and just hangs out. I haven't seen many of the other competitors. I think they're probably up in Oregon or Canada doing serious training and shit."

"Is she gonna win, Coach?"

"She's gonna be Kelly. She'll win either way."

"So how's your wife and daughter doing?"

"They're off doing their things. Dawn's at Steadman and Tamara's at school. They're probably pretty stoked to have the weekend coming up, but they always seem stoked to leave the house in the morning. Dawn likes to work and Tamara likes to socialize with her classmates. For her, school is a party. She's only in the second grade, so she's got another ten years of partying it up in class."

"So what's it like being a Daddy?"

"Man, that's like letting a ten year old visit the cockpit for five minutes and then asking him what it's like being the pilot. I'm gonna need more than a couple of weeks to give you any kind of real answer. I'll get back to you though. And they're not gonna make me take my own seat in preparation for landing. They're happy to leave me here and let me fly the plane!"

"Cool! You know how to fly, little boy?"

"Sure! I seen it on TV!"

"So man. I've got to ask you. Seriously. What's it like being married to Cassandra Hallidey? Does she like, do anything special? That other women wouldn't know about? You know what I mean."

"Sure she does! She does muscular and skeletal physical rehabilitation."

"Aw man! You know what I'm talking about! Does she?"

"That's what I'm talking about!"

"Really?! Like what? What do you mean?"

"I've been sworn to secrecy by the Screen Actors' Guild. I'd like to tell you, man. Really I would. But I'm not allowed to tell anybody."

"Man I sure am jealous!"

"Yeah. I'd be jealous too. That's probably why she's giving up her career. She's not feeling comfortable with it at this point and she's bailing. Really."

"That doesn't change who she is though. I'm still jealous."

"Not as jealous as you're gonna be after you meet her. But on the other hand, maybe Kelly will be the one to spark your oven. So dude. You ready to hit the road?"

"Sure. Let me grab my pack."

"Jerry. Leave the pack and stay here tonight. Go camping tomorrow night. The Shannons can show you a good time. And if you're really into camping, you can set up a tent outside my building. There's national forest right outside the door. Are you up for a night of my women?"

"Sure! Is your family gonna be OK with that?"

"They're gonna get off on you, man. Seriously. Let's hit it before we miss the bus. Go grab your boots. I'll get our skis and poles."

We caught the bus and got onto the slope within fifteen minutes. We scored Jerry a lift pass from his patrol buddies. I didn't know it, but he had actually worked there before. So one of his patrol friends rode up the lift with us.

"John, this is my buddy Billy from back east. We patrolled together." Jerry said.

"I know Billy, man. He used to teach here. Right, Billy?"

"Hey John! How's it going?"

"Good! The last time I saw you was when you did that Kelly Stone photo thing. I'm the one who gave Carl the snowmobile. He told me it was to drive you around."

"So you just gave it to him? That was pretty cool, man! Thanks! Did he ever give it back?"

"He didn't have to. I went up the hill and got it. That was my excuse for hanging around Kelly."

"John. Have you seen her here today?"

"Aren't you her coach? I thought you keep track of stuff like that?"

"Man I specialize in the independent types. She never tells me anything. I run across her on the slope and she lets me ride up the lift with her!"

"Yeah, she's here. She borrowed a snowcat and a driver this morning. Said she needed to build a coupla jumps to practice with."

"Well that was accommodating. You guys just bend over backwards for us! Thanks, man!"

"She's a local attraction. We're treating her like a precious resource." John said.

"Where is she? You guys wanna go check her out?" I asked the both of them.

"I'm there!"

"Me too!" Jerry said.

We rode the rest of the way up talking about skiing back east and Jerry filled John in on what he'd been doing lately and some typically paramedic chatter. We got off the lift and John led us over to the area Kelly was using for practice. She was sitting in the passenger seat of the snowcat, pointing at things and making gestures with her hands to the driver. We watched the snowmoving machine shape and sculpt to Kelly's satisfaction for about ten minutes and then the machine came to a stop. Kelly got out and waved at the driver. She jumped off the treads and walked over to her snowboard.

"Hey Kelly!" I yelled. "Kelly! Over here!"

She turned in our direction and waved. Then the three of us skied down to her.

"Hey Billy! Hey John! Thanks for the cat! I think I've got what I need if you want to take it back down the hill."

"Kelly. This is my friend Jerry from back east. He and I work together whenever I get back there. Jerry, this is Kelly."

"Hi Jerry! Pleased to meet you, love."

"Hi Kelly! Likewise. Mind if I watch?"

"Sure! I'm going for big air today, Billy. Tell me if I don't stick my butt out enough, OK?" Then she turned to Jerry. "I'm trying to ride like a woman."

"You don't have a choice if Billy's your coach." he replied with a smile.

"His wife Dawn is really my coach. But since she went and got a real job she left Billy in charge. Well you guys. I gotta try this. I'm itching to see how we did. You guys should try it with me and let me know if it's big enough."

Then she bent down to strap on her board. The three of us stood there smiling at each other as she started doing that Kelly thing with her long legs and her butt. The funny thing was that a multitude of young Kellys were doing the same move now. All around the mountain, young riders were standing on their boards with long straight legs and sticking their butts just as high into the air as they could and still be able to reach down with their arms to work their bindings.

Kelly turned toward the jump she built and slid up to the top and looked over the edge. Then she bent down again and took the board off. She walked up the hill about thirty yards and bent over and put the board back on again.

"I know what she's doing!" Jerry said. "She's practicing that butt thing! I think she's got it right, man."

"Me too! She's definitely got it right!" John agreed. He slid down the hill on his skis until he had a good view of the landing and then waved at Kelly indicating that it was clear. Kelly waved back and started sliding down the hill straight for the lip. She hit it hard and launched about twelve feet into the air. She turned two complete rotations and had room for another move or two but glided leisurely onto the snow and came to a stop. She'd traveled about fifteen yards in the air. She smiled at me and bent over again to take off her board. John got on his radio and asked the dispatcher to send up a snowmobile.

"Good god, Billy!" Jerry looked at me in amazement. "Can she crank seven twenties like that everytime she tries? She had room to do another three sixty! She coulda done three of them!"

"You're looking at Kelly Stone, man."

"Jesus! Does anybody else do that in competition?" he asked.

"Remember, man. This isn't even her event. She competes in the halfpipe. She's just screwing around and having some fun."

"Damn! She makes it look so easy!"

"Yeah. That's why we're going to tear this down just as soon as she's finished with it. If we don't, ski patrol is gonna have about a dozen UnKellys scattered around the landing with their heads stuck in the snow."

"We're not averse to having the jump here." John said as he walked up to us. "But seeing her do it and make it look that feasible only encourages the carnage."

And sure enough, a crowd was starting to gather. Snowboarders intent on figuring out how to pull her tricks were going to study her every move and then try it for themselves. But not as long as John continued to stand there.

Kelly walked up to us and smiled. "It's a pleasant little hit. I'd have made it a bit bigger but there's no sense in knocking myself out. Right Billy?"

"So how are you feeling, Kelly?" I asked.

"Pretty limber. Dawn has me doing some stretching exercises before I ride."

"John's getting you a snowmobile. So you don't have to keep walking up the slope." I said.

"Thanks, John! You guys are the greatest!" she said with a smile.

We watched Kelly for about an hour. She was getting more technical with each jump, as well as increasingly daring. Every jump was a winner. She was looking ready to claim her prize. As she practiced her acrobatics, enough of a crowd gathered that whenever they applauded her landings that it sounded like a full gallery in a sanctioned competition.

Finally, she walked over to Jerry and me.

"I'm beat. That was a great workout!"

"Kelly, you're looking better than ever!" I said.

"Am I riding like a woman?"

"No. You're riding like Kelly Stone. I wouldn't screw with a single muscle. You're looking better than anybody else I've ever seen."

"Thanks man!"

"What do you think, Jerry?" I asked.

"I've never seen anything like you, Kelly. You're the Man. Uh,... woman."

"You guys are just too sweet! Wanna go riding?"

"Let's truck!" I said.

"John! We're off. Thanks for everything, love! I really appreciate it!" she said.

Then we watched Kelly bend down and do her thing with the board one more time. She looked around as she bent over, just as she had done the first day we talked about these things. She was becoming mistress of her element and appeared to be double-checking the effect with her coach. I winked at her and Jerry and John just stood there smiling.

We slid down the mountain as a group with Kelly leading the way. She wasn't riding fast, but she was in a constant turn. First to the left. Then to the right. Then to the left. And to the right. She left little noodly tracks in the snow and we all tried to follow in them, right up to the lift line at the bottom of the hill.

Then Kelly, Jerry, and I rode up the lift together.

"How long are you out here, Jerry?" Kelly asked.

"Just a couple of days. I was talking to Billy on the phone last night and he kept telling me how great the skiing is now. I couldn't stay away. I just had to come out here."

"So you're a tele'er, too! All you guys are pretty hardcore. You oughta just move out here and stay." she said.

"It's not like I wouldn't want to. Besides, I used to live here. I worked here at the Basin. With John."

"Cool! So you're back home now, Jerry. Welcome home!" she said.

"Thanks! It's good to be home!" he said looking around at the mountains and the snow.

"Are you staying with Dawn and Billy?" she asked.

"For tonight. I want to camp out here Saturday night and get back into the scene. It's a full moon now and there oughta be people doing the pass at midnight. It's got me pretty stoked."

"Cool! I might have to ask Chris to take me up here tomorrow night."

"So you like the backcountry?" he asked her.

"I just like to ride." she answered. "You ever do any snowboarding, Jerry?"

"Not once in my life. Never even tried it."

"You should. It makes even crap conditions so much more enjoyable!" she said.

"And it's easy." I said kiddingly.

"It sure does look easy. Especially when I watch Kelly do it." he said.

"It's about flow." I said. "You flow and you enjoy yourself."

"So how come you never ride anymore?" Kelly asked me.

"I'm flexible. I do whatever makes sense when I get dressed." I said.

"You're a showoff, Billy. You do whatever looks the coolest. You tele because you can." she said.

"He was that way back east." Jerry added.

"Does he tele like a woman, too?" she asked.

"He skis like a patroller. Just like an old man." Jerry said. "But women really get off on his boarding. He trained alot of riders back east and all the ones I can remember were women. I thought he was doing it on purpose. What a rap, huh?"

"Is that true, Billy?" Kelly asked. "Are you a player on a tray? I never figured you for a player."

"It's gravitational. I go with the forces of nature." I said with a smile.

"Of all the people I ever worked with, I would have figured Billy to be the one to marry a movie star." Jerry said. "He used to sit in the patrol shack for hours at a time reading women's fashion magazines."

"See, Kelly? I told you so!" I said. "Men sit around looking at pictures of women!"

"But Billy was the only one." Jerry hastened to add. "All the other patrollers sit around reading hunting magazines and hardware catalogues. Billy was always more interested in girly shit."

"That's probably what makes him so dangerous. Sometimes I even think he understands us. Then he starts to scare me." she said.

"If that were actually true, I'd start to scare myself." I said.

"But you don't understand famous women. That's your weakness, Billy." she said.

"No Kelly. I just don't understand fame. It's an ignorance. Do you really consider it a weakness?"

"It's part of your charm. You feign your ignorance like little girls feign sleep when their parents come to check on them. You scare me even more when you act like that. You always have. I'll bet women have always underestimated you."

"You never underestimated me. Dawn never underestimated me. You people have always given me way more credit than a guy really deserves."

"But you never looked happy, Billy. You always looked so lonely. So apart. Were you always like this? Jerry. Was Billy always like this?"

"Like what?" he asked as she interrupted his own thoughts. I could tell he was absorbed in his surroundings like he was reconnecting with an important part of his own being just to be able to ride this lift and watch the mountains.

"Kelly, back east Jerry was always our rugged mountain man. He was our idea of a psychotic skier too. Two Turn Jerry. That's his nickname."

Kelly looked at Jerry intently. "Jesus, Billy! Jerry's got that same lonely haunting look to him! You guys are the same kinda people!"

"I'm just in transition." he said. "I'm changing. I saw Billy do it and I'm trying to do it like Billy did."

"It's a woman, isn't it?" Kelly asked gently.

"It's the same woman." Jerry answered.

"Huh?"

"It's the same woman that fucked up your coach's head." he told her.

"Jerry's in love, Kelly." I offered.

"No shit! Does she love you too?" Kelly asked with interest.

"Only enough to dump me. I guess that's love. Especially if I end up like Billy." he said with an enigmatic smile.

"But Billy was fucked up for months! I watched him go crazy on it. You're not as fucked up as he was, are you?"

"I think I am. I'm as fucked up as I can get and I don't think I really like it much."

"Good god! Who the hell is this woman?! Is she really that special? Is she that much of a goddess to you guys?!"

Me and Jerry both just stared at Kelly. Neither of us had any idea what to say.

"No Kelly. She's not." I finally said. "She's more like a goddess-in-training. Even Halli has her act together more than this woman." and I looked at Jerry.

"Really? What do you mean?" Kelly asked.

"My daughter wants the world to be happy. That everybody should love each other. The woman Jerry and I fell in love with draws a line in the sand and dares people to cross over into her world. She's a bricklayer. She builds walls. It's what she knows how to do. Halli is a wallclimber. She sees a wall and wants it gone. She'll climb right over it if people don't accommodate her." and I looked at Jerry again.

"Are you both still in love with her?" Kelly asked. I said nothing.

"I'll always love her." Jerry finally offered.

"Does she know that?" Kelly asked.

"I don't know what she knows." Jerry answered.

"Do you still talk to her?" she asked.

"I try. But she's not... available." he said.

"So you've come to Billy? Are you going to help your friend, Billy?" she asked. "Do you still talk to her?"

"On occasion. And yes. I'm going to help my friend." I said.

"There you go, Jerry. Billy loves his friends. He's not one to dick us around. Do whatever he says." Kelly said with love. It took me by surprise.

"Billy?" Jerry asked.

"Yeah man."

"Are you really into helping me?" he asked.

"Sure man. Kelly said so herself." I said with a smile.

"She did you the same way she's doing me, didn't she?"

"Yes Jer. The exact same way. You and I might have some things to talk about. Maybe later."

"Ooh, that stings." Kelly said. "You can't do it in front of me? Because I'm a woman?"

I leaned over and kissed Kelly. On the lips quickly. "I can do it in front of you, Kelly. And Dawn too. But not right now. Later. It's not a guy thing. It's a family thing. Let Jerry get acclimated to the... rightness of his surroundings. And then we can discuss it. Are you cool with that?" I asked her.

She put her hand up to her lips and held it there for a second. "You can make a woman feel pretty special, Billy. Was that woman a complete idiot?"

"She was a scared little girl. I took a woman and the pieces just fell apart in my hands. I was left with the little bits of her that were real. I split and left her to put the pieces back together. And when she did, she was no more a woman than the little girl I met and fell in love with."

"And you, Jerry? Is that what happened to you too?" she asked.

"I don't know what happened to me. I really don't." he said.

"Jesus! I really want to meet this girl! Maybe I could learn something." Kelly said.

"How to wreck a man and leave him hurting? Is that what you want to learn?" I asked.

"I want to see what kind of woman can leave you guys gasping for air! Especially you, Billy. I've never seen men so crazy! You're both acting crazy! Over a woman?"

"Over a loaded gun, Kelly. The woman's a walking loaded weapon. And she doesn't even know it. That's the crazy part. She's totally clueless about what she's doing to the men who she attracts."

"Bullshit. That's crap and you know it." Kelly said. "No woman is that ignorant. No one."

"Kelly's right, Billy. You keep seeing her as some kind of blind force of nature. But she's not. She has you fooled." Jerry said. "I'm not fooled. I'm just hurt."

"Later. We need to talk about this later." I said.

"Sure Billy. Whatever you say, love." Kelly said. And she held her fingers up to her lips. She was tracing the spot where I'd kissed her. The she reached over and took Jerry's head with one hand. She kissed him quickly just as I had done. "You're among friends now, Jerry. All we do here is hang with other cool people. That's all I ever cared about. Hang with us. Would you, love?"

Jerry looked at me and looked at Kelly. "I can hang. I just don't have that many people to be cool around."

"All it takes is a few. It really makes life easier to deal with. You've got me. And Billy. And Dawn. And Chris. You'll meet some more. We have some fairly cool friends. That's why we're here. Right Billy?"

"She's right, Jerry. It's a pretty cool scene here. We're all trying to keep it that way. You'll fit right in, man. That's what I was trying to tell you on the phone."

"But this scene's not complete without Dawn." Kelly said. "She makes my scene so much cooler I hang around her and Billy just to keep my own head together."

"Really?" I asked.

"Sure. You guys help me keep my head together. Really!"

"Thanks, Kelly! Thanks alot! That means alot." I said.

"Jerry. Have you met Dawn?" she asked.

"No I haven't. Not personally."

"You're gonna be hanging with one of the coolest people in the world. She's more than special. And Billy gets even cooler when he's around her. It's neat to watch. You're in for a treat."

"Wow." I said. "Am I that different around her?"

"More than different. It's hard to describe. You're... like, reborn. A new person. Really."

"That different?" I asked.

"That different." she said. And she kissed me the same way I had kissed her. "Anybody who can hang with you guys is pretty lucky."

We all got off the lift and went back down the mountain. Kelly excused herself at the bottom.

"I've got to go find Chris. I think he's in the ski school. I'll see you guys later. Jerry. Be cool, bro. It was great hanging out with you! Thanks!"

"Thank you too! Good to meet you, Kelly!" he said.

"See you guys later! Billy. Give me a call later, OK? Let's all hang out somewhere. Maybe we can go watch the moon come up!" She turned and walked up toward the few buildings that comprised the base area. But not before she bent down and did that thing one more time.

"Jesus! That's Kelly Stone?!" he asked me.

"What do you mean?"

"She's so real! She was like one of the guys!"

"She is like one of the guys. If the guys you hang out with are as cool as she is."

"Wow! And you get to hang out with her whenever you want?"

"More like whenever she wants."

"Cool!"

"Wanna go back up the mountain? We can ski for another coupla hours yet."

"Sure. Let's do it!"

And we turned into the lift line and went back up the lift.

"So what was it that had to wait until later?" he asked the first chance that presented itself.

"Look man. You heard Kelly going on about how cool me and Dawn are. You heard how much she respects us. And she really does." I said.

"Yeah?"

"But what I'm about to tell you isn't cool. It doesn't make me sound cool and it won't make you feel cool either."

"OK."

"Jerry. Forget about her. Seriously. She's one tragically unhip woman. Leave it alone."

"Really? You think she's bad news?"

"I think she's dangerous. You and I both deserve to be around special people. She's special alright. But not the way you deserve."

"So you're saying I could be doing better?"

"You couldn't possibly be doing any worse. I know where you're at, man."

"You don't paint a very flattering picture."

"I'm not sounding very cool. I'm definitely sounding uncool here."

"Well at least you're sounding honest. I appreciate that. It doesn't do me any good, though."

"I didn't expect that it would. I'm just giving you my opinion. I hate to trash people. And I would never do it in front of anyone else. Especially a woman."

"Well I haven't heard you actually trash her yet."

"She's what you'd call arrested development. She wants a relationship but she doesn't want to be close to anybody. She chooses her men based on a perception that maybe they'll be as remote as she is. So the fact that she was attracted to us shouldn't flatter either one of us. The fact that neither of us is still with her speaks more for us than any relationship we could have had with her."

"So you're saying that she can't really satisfy a guy?"

"Not a guy who shares and feels and expects any reciprocation. She'll probably do better with the strong silent type. At least until she realizes she's in a hollow relationship. Then she'll do him like she does the rest of her victims and simply tear his heart out. And then she'll stomp on it just for good measure."

"Man. You don't have a very high opinion of her, do you."

"Does it sound like it?"

"You're still stinging from it, aren't you. Getting your heart ripped out." he said.

"Man, I still talk to her. I've talked to her three times in the last few days. Believe it or not, she thought we were still going to make it together. She acted all betrayed and shit when she found out I was married. Jerry, this is the woman you're feeling ripped open about. This was just yesterday, man. I'm talking less than twenty four hours ago."

"So how come she came onto me, man?! How come she started seeing me if it was you she's into?! It doesn't make any sense!"

"I know it doesn't. She expected me to believe that she was only stretching her emotional legs. Taking them out for a test drive. I told her she was full of shit. I told her to come up with a better explanation. One that might approach plausible."

"Man! That's fucked up! How could she be that fucked up?! How could anybody be that fucked up?! How, Billy?!"

"She could as easily be a serial killer. You don't ask how they get that way. You get out of their way. You make it a point to get the fuck out of their way."

"Aw shit! Now I'm feeling even worse than before! How could that even happen?!"

"That's an easy one, Jer. You were feeling bad about losing the woman of your dreams. Now I'm telling you she's not the woman you've been dreaming about. She's not even close. Unless you've been dreaming about a serial killer."

"Aw just... Jesus Christ. Fuck!"

"Let's compare notes, man. I met her at least a year before we started seeing each other. I wasn't particularly attracted to her and I didn't harbor any special memories about being in the same room with her. It was a year later that I started sitting up and taking notice. It was after she started coming onto me."

"Yeah! Same here! I met her at the same time you did! I didn't give her a second thought either! But she started paying me alot of attention and then my head went into a tailspin!"

"OK. So neither of us did a love at first glance number. Good. But she probably came onto the mountain and spent at least a day of quality time with you. Right?"

"Yup. That's exactly what she did."

"And then you couldn't think of anything else in the world besides her. Right?"

"Exactly!"

"And then you guys probably spent the next three days on the phone with each other. But as many times as you'd call her, you probably never got her directly. You'd leave messages and then she'd call you at her convenience. Right?"

"That's exactly how it happened!"

"But within the context of her oh so busy life she managed to get away for one or perhaps two idyllic nights. Right? Your whole life with her was planned around those few rare moments."

"Right again, Billy. How did she do that?!"

"Practice, Jerry. My guess is she has plenty of practice. It's not like you fucked up the one rare opportunity in your life to have the woman of your dreams. That's not the way this one played out. On the other hand, it sounds more like she's been fucking up her chance at happiness. We did everything right, man. The moment you tried sharing yourself with her she was out the door. You tried, didn't you?"

"I sure did. I wasn't even heavy about it. She just wasn't into that kind of scene. And I was so sure she wanted something substantial!"

"She doesn't know what she wants. She only knows what she doesn't want. And she doesn't want a relationship she can't walk away from. She told me that herself. That's not very substantial, Jerry. That's expendability. That's more than unsubstantial. That's cruel. It's even sick. Would you agree?"

"I would now. I wouldn't have ten minutes ago."

"Why? What's changed in the last ten minutes?"

"I have. I've been belted in the stomach. In the last ten minutes."

"And why would you have disagreed ten minutes ago?"

"I kept thinking I'd fucked up. Like I blew the opportunity life affords me maybe once in a lifetime. I kept thinking if I'd only done something different I'd be living the life of my dreams right now. That's what I kept thinking." he said painfully.

"Me too. It took me a few months before I realized what was really happening. But it's taken her even longer. I mean, she still hasn't figured it out. She might not ever figure it out. But you know what, man? Fuck her. It's not my problem. It might be your problem but I'm over it. It's just not my problem anymore." I said bitterly.

"It sounds like you're telling me it's not my problem either. Is that really what you're saying?"

"In so many words. There's a ton of women around who are actually what they say they are. They're interested and they're willing to be a part of you. They might not necessarily be the women who make your bloodstream rage with dopamine and phenylethylamines, but they want to share and touch you. It's a tough compromise. So I begged off. I didn't compromise and I ended up with the woman I really wanted. But I would have waited a lifetime, man. I would have held myself at bay until I found another woman who raged my blood the way yours did. But I didn't have to wait long. That's the part that really blows my mind. I didn't have to wait a lifetime."

"Lucky in love, huh? That's the way I hope I end up. I can't go through another round like this. I just can't do it."

"Optimism, Jerry. Luck goes to the optimist. I'm convinced of it."

"But I never gave it a second thought before. Im not even sure I really believed in love before."

"But you do now. You've felt it in your bloodstream and you've been intoxicated beyond knowledge. That's what she did to me. So she did that to you too. And you can bet there are plenty of others."

"It was the first time for me, man."

"So now it exists? It's real?"

"As real as I ever hope it gets. It better not get any realer. Really."

"It will. Believe me, it gets realer. It gets reliable. It gets reciprocated. Trust me. That's when it really means something. Until it gets reciprocated, you don't know the meaning of real."

"You must be on cloud nine right now, man. You must be tripping your brains out on your thing with Cassandra."

"Call her Dawn."

"Your thing with Dawn."

"I'm a happy man, bubba. Things just worked out."

"So this wasn't a rebound thing?"

"This is more than a rebound. You heard Kelly. This is more like a rebirth. This is more like a resurrection."

"Back from the dead. Man, I could use one of them."

"It only happens within a relationship. You gotta find a woman first. That means you've got to be open to the possibility. That means being optimistic. I don't think there's any other way."

"Could you ever forgive her?" he asked.

"I don't think she sees it that way. At this point she thinks I'm the big bad wolf. Like I said, man. It ain't my problem."

"Billy?"

"Yeah man."

"I can't just not see her again. I can't go through life knowing that I can't make it with her. I need to try. Can you understand that?"

"I can understand that, Jer. I won't encourage it. But I can understand where you're coming from."

We got off the lift and stood to the side away from people.

"Then explain it to me. Why won't I let her go?"

"Because you've seen the other side of the mountain. But Jerry. You didn't see her over there though. You only hallucinated her presence. And you won't believe otherwise. Your bloodstream won't let you. You're hooked into a veritable psychotic delusion. That's what it really is, Jer. You're delusional. She poisoned you and you've still got a toxic blood level."

"Well that's just great. You're saying I'm psychoticly delusional because I have to have this woman. If I'm understanding you correctly."

"A few rare idyllic moments and you're delusional. If you guys had been married for like five years it would be a different story. But a couple of nights together? Come back to reality, Jerry. Come back to us. Come to the light, bro."

"You think I'm crazy?!"

"No man. I think you're intoxicated. Remember. You're talking to an ex-addict. If I were any other man, you could afford to blow me off. But I'm the guy she dumped first. And you're the guy she dumped me for. I'm not any other guy. Put yourself in my place, man. What are you gonna tell the next chump who calls you up whining about this heartless bitch? And what if he's your friend? What if you really do care about him?"

"God I hope that never happens!"

"I always hate to see this happen. That's exactly what I told you last night. Word for word."

"So I'm intoxicated and I'm an addict. You're saying I've got a road to recovery ahead of me. That's what you're saying. You're treating me like a victim of drug abuse!"

"I'm treating you like a contemporary. And I'm not telling you a goddamned thing you didn't already know when you called me up last night."

"So tell me something new for god's sake! Tell me something I can hold onto!"

"OK. I'll tell you something you don't already know."

"Go for it. Please!"

"She's trying to call you. Even if her hand never makes it to the phone. In her subterranean world, she's trying to make that phone call. It took her six months to make mine. But she's learned a few things since then. Can't live without her? I'm not your goddamned therapist, Jerry. Go down to the bottom of the hill and use a payphone. Or go into Ski Patrol and use theirs. I'm not responsible for getting you clean. Wanna get high? Just go use the fucking telephone."

"Now you're saying to call her?!"

"I'm not saying not to. I'm telling you something new. I'm telling you she would call you if she had more character than she does. I'm telling you she'd love you and cherish the two of you forever if she were a different person. You can always call her. You always could. You can do it right now. But pretend that she's a different person. Pretend like she's the one you're really in love with. Pretend like she's the woman on whom your world of expectations was built. That should tide you over for another couple of months. It worked for me. Exactly twice. And then I pulled myself together and tried to regain my dignity. But by then, I had a wife and daughter living next door to me and I didn't even know it yet. But they knew me. They knew me in the darkest depths of my despair and it didn't turn them off. They didn't go running the way your girl does. Come on, man. Let's go call her."

We skied down to the bottom of the hill. Then we took our skis off. Then we walked up to the little lodge. Then we walked inside and I took him to the phone. Then I took it off the hook. Then I dialed the number on my own credit card. Then I handed him the phone. Then I walked away.

I sat down at a table with a bottle of beer. And I waited. Jerry came back about a minute later.

"Jesus that was a fast fix!" I said.

He was looking kind of funny. Like he wasn't feeling real well but was happy and nauseous. Actually, he looked pregnant.

"She's not in Virginia. Her answering service told me she's gone on vacation."

"Bummer." I said casually. "Oh well..."

"In Colorado."

"Oh shit! Here?! She's coming here?!" I stood up and knocked the beer right off the table.

"Skiing." he told me.

"That's just fucking swell! Well at least we know about it!.. I'm just glad... I'm just glad we... know about it! ... Here?! She's fucking coming here?!"

"You don't have to panic, man." Jerry said. "She's got the two of us to deal with. She's got more reason to panic than either of us do. And she doesn't even know it yet."

"Oh Jesus Christ! I can't believe this!"

"Chill, brother. We can handle this."

"Look. Go in the bar and get a table. One by the window. I'm gonna go find Kelly."

"Sure thing. Want me to order you something to drink?"

"No man. I'll be there in a couple of minutes. Go now. By the window. Go!"

I ran out the door and down to Ski Patrol. They didn't know where Kelly was but they said they would try to find her and send her and Chris up my way. On the way back up to the bar, I ran across Carl.

"Hey buddy! How's things in Kellyland?"

"They're about to get more interesting than I need to deal with right now. Come with me."

"Sure man. You headed up to the bar?"

"Walk with me."

"I told her I love her." he said.

"Look for Kelly, man. Find her for me."

"I said I told her I love her."

"That's great, Carl. I knew you would. Do you see Kelly down there near the lift line?"

"I asked her to marry me."

"Yeah? What did she say?" I asked as I walked as briskly as I could in ski boots.

"Well, we're engaged!" Carl said happily.

I stopped and looked at him. "That's terrific, Carl! When are you getting married?"

"We don't know yet. But it'll probably be real soon. Real soon. Maybe next week. Wanna come and be the Best Man or something?"

"You know it! Congratulations brother!" I said as I hugged him. "You'll enjoy married life. I think."

"Hey! Isn't that Kelly over there? Next to that other babe? God she's even more gorgeous than Kelly is! She must be another model or something."

I squinted to see better. But my eyes started to water up. Just a little.

"No model, man. That there's a doctor. From back east. Didn't take her long to find Kelly. Shit."

"Is something wrong with Kelly?"

"No man. There's something wrong with the rest of us. Quick. Come with me."

We headed up to the bar and found Jerry sitting at a corner table by the window.

"OK. She's managed to find Kelly. I think they're on their way over here." I said quickly. "Jerry, this is Carl. Carl, Jerry." By god the first thing each of them did was look down at the other one's feet to check out the equipment.

"A tele'er! Good to meet you, Jerry. Didn't you used to work here? On patrol?"

"Yeah! You look pretty familiar. You used to teach here, right?"

"Carl's engaged to be married! Let's buy him a drink." I said.

"Cool! Congratulations!" Jerry said.

"You two can start the party. I'll be right back." I said as I headed out the back door and onto the deck. I was hoping to find Chris.

Just then, Kelly and her new friend came around the corner and walked up to me. No surprises so far. She obviously came out here looking to find me.

"So you guys know each other! That's great!" I was starting to blush. Under the tan, I knew I was getting pretty rosy.

"We just met, Billy. Your friend was asking around for you in ski school while I was in there and I said I know you. But we really haven't been introduced. Will you do the honors?"

"Kelly Stone. This is Anastasia. Dr. Stasia, this is Kelly."

"Hi Kelly! Billy's told me so much about you! It's a pleasure to meet you. Call me Stasia."

"Pleased to meet you, Stase. Are you from Colorado?"

"No I'm from Virginia."

Kelly looked up at me quickly like she was connecting the dots. Kelly reached over to me and quickly embraced me tightly, putting her lips to my ear. She whispered softly, "Is this the one?"

I nodded almost imperceptibly. Just enough for her face to feel the motion of my head. Then Kelly kissed me casually on the lips and continued to hold me. She turned to her new friend and said, "Billy's got some friends here, Stase. Come join us, won't you?" and she walked me inside without letting go of me. She was content to let Stasia trail behind us. I whispered to her very quietly in her ear, "Keep me busy. This needs to be a Stasia and Jerry scene. Just keep me busy. OK?"

She reached into my neck with her lips as we walked and whispered, "In the bag, Daddy. She's positively dangerous looking. I feel sorry for you and Jerry both. Chris is out teaching a lesson. He won't be around for awhile. Don't make me look too guilty. OK?"

We walked up to the table where Jerry and Carl were talking about telemarking. Using their hands. Jerry looked up at the three of us and smiled happily. "Hi you guys! Hi Stasia! Welcome to Colorado! This is Carl. He's an old friend. Carl, this is Anastasia."

"Call me Stasia, Carl. Pleased to meet you. Are you the same Carl that taught Billy to ski? He's always talking about you!" and she took his hand and shook it.

Jerry stood up to grab a couple more chairs from the next table. He looked like he was trying to make room for Anastasia next to him, but she and Carl hadn't let go of each other's hands when she sat down on the other side of Carl.

"So you're a friend of Jerry and Billy's from back east?" Carl asked.

"We're patrollers on the same mountain." she said breezily. "But they're the two coolest guys in the group! It's too cool meeting up with the both of you! I wasn't expecting to see the two of you together! That's great!" She was still holding Carl's hand. As she let it go, she said, "I just got here. How's the snow? I brought my board out and left my skis at home."

"It's as good as ever, Stasia." Carl said. "Did Billy teach you to board?"

"In fact he did. I'm still learning though. I can use some more milage. That's why I came out here."

"Me and Billy tried calling you, Stasia. Maybe ten minutes ago. They said you'd gone to Colorado to go skiing. It's good to see you out here. It really is." Jerry said over Carl.

"It's good to be here. Are you guys going back out on the hill?" she asked.

"Billy and I have some things to go over. We're still training for Vail." Kelly said. She had positioned herself between me and anybody else at the table. "Why don't you guys do a few runs and we'll hold the table for you."

"You guys want to go skiing with me?" Anastasia asked Jerry and Carl.

"Let's do it!" Carl said. "Jerry. It's been a long time since we went out skiing together. If I remember right, you're one crazy kamakazi. Go easy on me, OK?"

"Yeah Jer. We gotta get Carl to the altar in one piece." and I looked at Anastasia as I said it. "Carl's getting married soon. He taught this one woman to telemark and now he's ready to marry her. That's pretty homegrown, huh."

"Congratulations, Carl. What's her name?"

"We're gonna start calling her Momma. In about a month. She's one big Momma gonnabe."

"Be careful, Daddy." I said.

The three of them got up and went skiing together.

Kelly turned and looked at me. "Well that was pretty casual. All things considered, she looked plenty loose."

"She's quick on her feet. Do you think you could like her?"

"She seems nice enough. But I'm not a guy. And I didn't get dicked over on her account. But there's something about her. She really looks like trouble."

"Really? What do you mean?"

"Your wife Dawn knows how to turn it off. This girl just keeps turning it on. From the moment she walked into ski school. And when she asked for you, I thought she was one of Dawn's friends from Hollywood. Really! I thought she was one of Dawn's prom queens. If you know what I mean."

"Really?"

"You and Jerry just kept going on about your own little guy world. You never told me she was that gorgeous. She's world class, Billy. So she's the heartbreaker."

"Our own little guy world?"

"You know. All this yadda yadda yadda that means something to you guys. If you had told me she was that drop dead beautiful it would have meant something to me. A doctor, eh?"

"Believe it or not, she's studying to be a cardiologist."

"No shit! That's uncanny! Can she fix hearts as well as she breaks them?"

"She's real good at what she does. She wouldn't have it any other way."

"Dawn could actually be jealous over a woman like that. Do you intend to introduce them?"

"I don't really have a choice. I think Dawn would be even more jealous if I didn't introduce them."

"Billy. I have an idea. What say I have all you guys over to my place tonight? Jerry and that woman and you and Dawn and Halli. It's the weekend so Halli can stay up late. Can I do that for you?"

"Would you, Kelly? It would be a real favor and I won't forget it."

She kissed me and looked into my eyes. "I won't either. I wouldn't miss this for the world."

Kelly and I sat in the bar for awhile talking about Vail. And her jumping. Mostly she was into movement. Every couple of minutes she would get up and do something athletic and we'd write things down on a napkin. We were trying to nail down the parts of her body that would require the most stretching in preparation for the moves she wanted to pull off during her competition. Then we planned a series of stretching exercises that she could use before and even during the event. We spent about an hour doing this kind of stuff when Anastasia came back into the bar alone.

"They're such guys! They're still out there skiing. Carl tried to drag me down this one slope and I almost shit in my pants."

"He does that to me every chance he gets." I said.

"Stase. Where are you staying while you're here?" Kelly asked.

"I don't know yet. I was thinking about a hotel in Breck. Know any good ones?"

"I've got a fairly spacious place. In Breck. Would you stay with me? I'd love to have you."

"I couldn't... I mean, I'm dropping in unannounced and I don't want to put anybody out. And I know you've got the biggest competition of your life coming up in a couple of days..."

"Please. It would make me happy. Would you?"

"Are you sure? I mean, it's really OK?"

"I'm positive. I want you to stay with me and my husband Chris. We're fine with it and you'd have a good time."

"OK! Thanks, Kelly!"

"Listen, Stase. I'm having Billy and Dawn and their daughter over tonight. Would you like to invite Jerry too? I'd invite Carl but I know he's working Friday nights. What do you say? Wanna party?"

"Sure. Billy? Are you OK with it?"

"Ask Jerry, Stasia. I'll let you do him the honors." Courtesy was more like what I meant.

So the three of us sat there and ran our stretching regimen by the doctor. She told us about adjacent body parts in terms of ligaments and tendons that would be affected by the exercises we contemplated and how best to nurture and protect them.

Jerry came back into the bar about a half an hour later.

"Carl had to split. He says he's gotta go to work in an hour." Jerry said.

"Jerry. I'm staying with Kelly tonight and she's having a get-together at her place. Wanna come join us?" Anastasia asked casually.

"Sure, Stasia. I'd like that. Thanks." he said. "Billy, are you and Dawn coming?"

"We'll be there. Come back to my place and you can shower and change clothes and stuff."

"Cool! I might have to borrow some decent clothes. You mind?"

"Not a problem. I don't dress any better than you do. We might have to borrow some of Dawn's. She our size and has better taste."

"She really does." Kelly added.

"Look you guys." Anastasia said. "I might as well get this out in the open right now. I had no idea Jerry was here. I came out here to see for myself what kind of woman Billy would marry. I wasn't looking for a heavy scene. Or any kind of scene at all. I just wanted to see for myself what's going on out here. But you're all being pretty informal about things, and I just want to clear the air. OK?"

"Sure." Jerry said.

"I know I'm not either of you guys' favorite person right now. But you guys are being decent to me and Kelly's being more than just hospitable and I want us all to understand each other. OK?"

"I'm good with it." I said. "Anybody got a problem?"

"I'm kinda happy about things right now." Jerry said. "I mean, look at where we are and what we're doing. Who could be uptight in a place like this?"

"Stase." Kelly said. "Billy and Dawn are the two coolest people I've ever met. I only met Jerry today and I'm inclined to treat him as the cool person that Billy does. All we want around here is a cool scene and cool people to make it happen. You seem like the kind of person that Billy and Jerry like to hang with. That's good enough for me. Just enjoy yourself and stay in the moment, Stase. It's worth it out here. It's the coolest scene we could come up with. OK?"

"Thanks. I like to hang with people who make things easy on everybody. I'm not into screwing it up for anybody. I'm really not."

"You got a car here?" Kelly asked.

"Yeah. I rented one at the airport."

"OK. Let's go back to my place. I'll leave Chris my car and he can come home when he's finished here. You don't mind driving me around?"

"I'll let you drive. How's that?"

"OK you guys. Me and Stase are going to my place. Be over there when you can. Ready to go, love?"

"Sure, Kelly. Thanks!"

"Billy. Here's my car keys. Can you give them to Chris for me?"

"You bet. We'll see you about seven?"

"See you then. Bye you guys!"

"Well that was easy enough on everybody. Whose idea was that?" Jerry asked.

"Kelly's." I answered. "She's keeping a tight reign on Stasia. She knew I had no choice but to get her together with Dawn. I think she's being protective and interested all at the same time. But mostly she's being a friend. The way she thinks it needs to be done. Cool woman, huh?"

"Unbelievable. But you know what, Billy?"

"What's that?"

"Stasia's even more beautiful than Kelly. She's looking superlative."

"That's what Kelly said. She thought Stasia was one of Dawn's Hollywood buddies when she first met her. She thought she was another porn star!"

"Ooh! But she's looking better than ever. Did I fall for beauty, Billy? Is that what I was thinking?"

"I don't know, man. I fell for independence. Strength and independence. Her beauty wasn't what really attracted me to her. If it had been, I'd have been attracted a year earlier. Really."

"Yeah. I think you're right. What else did Kelly say about her?"

"Kelly thinks she's dangerous and she feels sorry for both of us. That's the first thing she said. Like about twenty seconds after realizing who she was."

"I want her, man. I want her more than anything I've ever wanted before. I can't help it."

"Well, Jer. It's the springtime and you're both on vacation. Have the fling you've always wanted. But leave it at that until she gives you any reason to expect otherwise. Don't be building houses in an avalanche chute. Know what I mean?"

"Yeah. I'm sure she does too."

"Jerry. There's no telling what that woman does or doesn't know. Just no telling. So I'm telling you to scale back your expectations. Like to zero. Think you can do that?"

"But Billy. Isn't that treating a woman like a whore?"

"See, Jerry. That's where both of us fucked up. You and I both treated Stasia like the kind of woman we would marry and have our kids with. As if that's how she wants to be treated. But I keep telling you that this woman isn't capable of a substantial relationship. It just keeps chasing her away. So if you just can't live without her, you're going to need a change in strategy. She might be better off in fling mode."

"But I don't want a fling with the woman. I want a relationship. I want a life!"

"Then the two of you are incompatible. Just like I was."

"That's just great. You're saying I can have her as long as I know I can't have her."

"Well said, my lovelorn friend. I couldn't have said it better."

"So Billy. I gotta say something else. If you don't take this the wrong way."

"Shoot Luke."

"You and Kelly, man. You were looking pretty comfortable together. Have you two guys like, ever dated or anything?"

"Kelly and I know how to put on a show. Shit bro. Kelly and my wife put on a show together and nearly invited the whole world to pay good money to watch it. But it's not like the two women love each other or anything."

"Wow! That's a heavy scene. And you manage to deal with that?"

"I deal with everything. These are strange and intriguing women, these are the so-called

Women of the New Millennium. Their guys are supposed to let them do what they will. They don't ask our forgiveness. Shit bro. They don't even ask our permission. We don't control them anymore. We're a part of the scene but god knows we're not running it."

"So Dawn gets to do whatever she wants?"

"Dawn only ever did whatever she wants."

"That's pretty liberated. Of you, I mean."

"You'll never understand it until you meet her. Really. Kelly's not even a crude approximation. And Kelly's already a fairly compelling woman. But Dawn is more like the other half of my soul. And get this. She hasn't dicked me around. Not once. Not ever. She managed to put me off in the beginning. But she never stuck a knife in my ribs and tried to hurt me. Keep that in mind when you have your fling with Stasia."

"A woman that won't hurt you. It almost sounds unnatural."

"It's a pity I even half understand what you just said."

"Are we that fucked up?"

"We're guys, man. We're the other half of their relationships. Lord only knows what Kelly and Stasia are saying about us right now. That's why I'm glad she's with Kelly. Kelly's willing to watch my back. But you know what, dude?"

"What?"

"These two women could completely destroy each other. The cops could find their car on the side of the road with nothing inside but two little piles of cinders and a couple of handbags."

"Shit! That's too weird. What the hell are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about a random dream machine and the hottest oven on the fastest boat in the marina. I know I'm talking gibberish. But I'm telling you the truth. Until you've seen it for yourself, you wouldn't know to be as apprehensive as Kelly's boat mechanic. That woman's carrying a couple of tons of gasoline."

"Man. You've completely lost me."

"Good, Jerry. That's good. Trust me."

We caught the shuttle bus back down the hill and returned to my place. Dawn and Halli were already there and sitting in the hot tub. Jerry knew who they were before any of us said anything.

I took off my ski clothes and left them in a heap by the side of the tub. Jerry did the same thing. He had his shorts on underneath his clothes, just like he'd said. I had on a bathing suit. And in we went.

"Hi Daddy!" Halli said and floated over to give me a kiss. Dawn came over too and held the two of us in a big family hug. Jerry sat at the edge and admired the three of us.

"Dawn. This is Jerry from back east. That's his backpack in our hallway. Jerry, this is my wife Dawn."

"Hi Jerry! Welcome to Colorado! Welcome to the Shannon communal hot tub!"

"Hi Jerry!" Halli said happily. "I'm Halli!"

"Pleased to meet you guys. Billy's told me alot about yall."

"Billy. Kelly says we're invited to her place tonight. She even said don't bother to come unless we bring Halli."

"I wanna go over to Kelly's place, Mommy! Can I? Please?"

"She says there are... other guests." Dawn said.

"Dawn. Jerry here is my brethren in arms from over the phone. Remember?"

"Sure. The one who hasn't received his peace lillies."

"Right. And Kelly has a houseguest. Care to guess? Be improbable."

"I don't have to. Kelly already told me what's going on. Are you cool with this?"

"I'm tentative, sweetheart."

Dawn looked at my friend. "Jerry. Kelly says you guys hung out together at the Basin. Are you comfortable enough with things? Is this going to work for you? Don't be scared to say no. We can all make other arrangements. Or blow it off entirely. You're our guest here and Billy and I are more concerned about our guests than about Kelly's."

"Thanks Dawn. Billy started talking in parables. Weird stuff. Like fast boats and hot ovens and tons of gasoline. Is there more to the scene than I would care to know about? Am I gonna be sorry?"

Dawn looked at me with renewed admiration and gave me a warm and loving kiss. "Billy is looking out for his friends. From back east. But he uses terminology more appropriate to the protection of his family. Tell me what you fear the most about tonight and let's try to work things out together. Does that make any sense to you?"

"I'm hung up on this woman, Dawn. She's done me a number and Billy keeps saying I should forget about it. Or at least satisfy myself with some kind of adolescent spring fling and leave it at that."

I held Halli close to me and asked her if she wanted to go in the big pool with Daddy.

"No Daddy! I wanna stay here with Jerry!" She was absorbing as much of the conversation as Jerry was, perhaps sans comprehension. I figured she was simply enjoying the sounds of his voice and the fact that he was a friend of her Daddy's. So I let her stay and participate.

"You're so precious! You look just like Billy!" Jerry said.

"I'm going to be a big sister, Jerry! Just like Kelly! Mommy's got my little brother or sister inside her right now!"

"That's great, Halli! I guess you're pretty excited." Jerry said.

"Oh yeah! I can't wait! I hope it's another little girl. I don't know why, but I just do."

"But you'll be happy if it's a little boy?"

"Sure! That would be great too. A little Billy!" she said excitedly.

"Kelly says I've got to meet this woman. She told me about how they met. Kelly says she thought she was one of my California friends when she first met her. What the heck is that supposed to mean?"

"She's plying you, Jerry. She knows what that means. Kelly already told her. Careful, dude." I said.

"Let Jerry answer, Coachboy." Dawn tickled me as she said it.

"Dawn. She showed up here looking like Miss Universe. Really. She made your friend Kelly look like a handmaiden." Jerry said.

"Oh really."

"She came out here looking for Billy. She had no idea I was here. She says she came here to find out for herself what kind of woman Billy would marry."

"That can't be making things any easier for you. Are you handling this alright?"

"I can't believe I'm sitting in a hot tub with you talking about this and we've only been acquainted a matter of minutes. Are you OK with this kind of scene? I mean, Billy seems to deal with everything all the time. But you? Are you that comfortable?"

The three of us were still melded together as a single family of flesh. In our own green surroundings like a halo of oneness.

"Look around you, Jerry. Do you feel the comfort? Can you feel it?"

"Yes. I really can!"

"Wanna see something really cool? Something that could just blow your mind?"

"Sure, Dawn."

"Look at this." Dawn held up her wedding band with my hand attached to hers and my own band affixed to its mate like a sideways figure eight. Like the symbol for eternity.

"Good god that's stunning! It looks just like the water! Like the hot tub! That's incredible!"

"Pretty fly, huh?" Dawn said with a smile. "Do I look comfortable, Jerry?"

Halli was starting to say something but I held her to me closely and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"Kelly was right! You guys are more than cool! You people are..."

"Placid!" Halli managed to get it out before I could distract her again. "We're placid like the stars! They all love each other, you know."

Jerry looked at my daughter and I could tell he was one step away from tears.

"Daddy's mommy says a falling star makes it rain, Jerry. Right Daddy?"

"Halli's our little kissing star." Dawn said.

"Billy said she's a wallclimber."

"Watch this!" And she climbed on top of my shoulders and put her little feet on my head and jumped right toward Jerry's arms. "Catch me, Jerry!"

Jerry reached up and she fell right into him. She hugged him and gave him a kiss. "Jerry's pretty cool, Daddy. Are you a daddy too, Jerry?"

"No Halli. I'm not married either."

"But you love Anastasia?"

Suddenly all three of us stared at her intently. "What?!" Dawn said.

"Daddy used to talk on the phone with some of his friends. He kept using the word Anastasia. It took me like two days to pronounce it right. I went to school and asked my teacher what it means and she told me it was the name of some princess and nobody knows if she's dead or not. Are you in love with a princess, Jerry? That would be really cool!"

"Yes Halli. I'm in love with a princess named Anastasia. You're pretty smart for a seven year old. You know that?"

"So she's not dead? My teacher didn't really know."

"I guess not. You know, Halli. You can meet her if you want to. Tonight."

"I can meet a princess?! Daddy can I?"

"Only if you promise not to say anything about it. OK? She's got her little secrets and we don't want to make her feel too out of place." I said.

"OK Daddy! Cool!"

"Listen, Halli." I said. "Do you need to take a shower before you go over to Kelly's?"

"Of course, Daddy!"

"Wanna go take care of business?"

"OK! Can Jerry come with me?"

"No sweetheart. Jerry's gonna stay a few minutes and talk to Daddy and Mommy. OK?"

"OK!" and she jumped out of Jerry's arms and ran upstairs like she usually does. Little pitterpattering feet across dry concrete.

"I'll be up in a minute, sweetie!" Dawn yelled after her.

"A spring fling with the lost princess Anastasia?" Dawn asked with a smile.

"That's as descriptive as anything else anyone could say." Jerry said.

"Kelly was right. You guys are just ubergaga. I've never seen anything like it! Is the woman that compelling?" Dawn asked.

I held up our two hands and looked at the rings again. "She nothing more than a footnote in history." I said. "She's got more to lose than Jerry does."

"I keep getting lost in the whole fantasy. Billy's started to chisel away at my... addiction." Jerry said.

"Real people present real problems. Tonight you're going to deal with real people, Jerry." Dawn said. "Are you capable? Don't let me and Billy fuck with your head anymore than she will. You don't need it if you're not really into it."

"I'm into it. Kelly was right." he said.

"Yeah? About what?" Dawn asked.

"She says she hangs out with you guys because you keep her head on straight. Really. That's what she said."

Dawn and I just looked at each other for a moment.

"Kelly's got a fast boat and a hot oven." Dawn finally said. "And a couple tons of gasoline. You'll understand that or you won't. Billy finally understands that and as Kelly says, he keeps treating people like contemporaries. Want to be a contemporary, Jerry? Wanna feel the heat of the oven from the deck of Kelly's boat?"

"Huh?"

"Unless your little princess knows how to swim, Kelly might leave her to the sharks."

"Dawn, sweetheart. You didn't see the look in Kelly's eyes. And you haven't met the little princess. Kelly's not tossing this piece of meat."

"Really? What do you mean?"

"Kelly's out on the dock recruiting deckhands. She's gonna try teaching Anastasia to drive the boat. I'm sure of it. I'll just bet you she invites Peter tonight."

"No shit?! He just called me! Like half an hour ago!"

"And?"

"He's coming over there because Kelly says she has something to discuss!"

"Ah! Her trusty first mate! I told you so."

"Jerry! Do you have any idea what we're talking about? Do you?" Dawn asked intently.

"Not a clue. I'm clueless here." he answered honestly.

"Stick with Billy tonight. Leave your little princess to me. OK? This is important." Dawn said.

"OK. Whatever you say. You guys are sure weird. I mean, really obtuse. But whatever you say. It's your scene and I'm not one of the beautiful people."

"Yes you are. We're gonna try and keep you that way." Dawn said. "Shit, Billy. Why didn't Kelly just say something when she talked to me before?"

"Because she's in transition."

"Say what?"

"She's on her way to becoming her perception of Cassandra Hallidey. I had my suspicions earlier but I wasn't sure. I'm still not sure but I'm willing to give her the benefit of the doubt."

"What the fuck for?! Don't you see what she's doing?!"

"Sure I do. But what the fuck do I care? It's not my daughter we're talking about. I don't give a shit what her random starmaking machine does as long as it's not pointed at you or my daughter."

"But what about Jerry? He still cares about her!"

"Dawn. It's not my problem. Lord knows it's not Jerry's either."

"Billy. We're taking two separate cars. You just be prepared to take Halli home the second I tell you to. OK?"

"Sure Dawn. But why just Halli? Why not the two of you?"

"Billy you're absolutely right. Thank god you're finally right." she said as she kissed me. "Your head's on even straighter than mine is. That's starting to scare me."

"Jerry. It's up to you, man." Dawn said urgently. "Me and Billy and Halli are going to abandon ship the second we need to. You can either hang there or come home with us."

"What the hell are you guys talking about?"

"Loss of innocence." I said. "You can take my car over to Kelly's place. The second you feel out of place I want you to get into the car and drive back here. You can follow us over there and you'll figure out how to get back. It's pretty simple. There's only one road involved."

"And what if I've got a princess in tow?"

"Bring her back here. Trust me on this one." Dawn said.

"OK. Whatever you guys say. Am I so totally clueless that I can't figure out what the fuck either one of you is talking about?"

"Yes!" Dawn and I said in unison.